King Kon
by LuvHolic
Summary: A light and feeble attempt at a humorous oneshot taking place after 'All We Know Is Falling'. Hitsu x Hina x Kon, onesided Kon x Babes.


**Just a warning: This is a very laid back story compared to my other one. Lazy writing. This is a oneshot piece taking place after the event's of my other story, All We Know Is Falling. **

**Main character is Kon. HitsuXHina**

**Also, since it is Kon, there are pervertness. Not enough to be M (in my opinion, let me know otherwise). Some language. **

**There are slight hints of smex but no lemon. It's what I call, lemonade (watered down lemon with sugary fluff.)  
**

**Italics are Kon's thoughts/ Inner Kon**

** I forgot the disclaimer. Like people will think Bleach is mine.**

**Disclaimer: does not own Bleach the anime/manga/musical/detergent. **

* * *

Somewhere in the Seireitei: 

"Damn you, Ichigo! Trying to leave me behind! I'm the most important character in the show!" Kon was stumbling around the streets of Seireitei after following Ichigo to Soul Society and getting lost.

He crept around the walls, staying out of view of anything around. He peered around a corner to see a building he could sneak in.

"Hmm. Ten? Why does it say ten?" Kon placed a paw on his chin, contemplating.

"That's right!" He snapped his fingers. "My shinigami honey with breasts of a goddess said she was in the 10th division." He imagined Matsumoto naked in a seductive pose calling his name, _Kon-sama!_

_My Honey! Here I come!!! _(Inner Kon screamed with joy.)

Kon sneaked inside the Squad 10 office to find it empty.

He climbed on to the desk and sat down to think of what he should do next.

_I know! I should wrap myself up with a bow as a present! She'll LOVE me!_

In Kon's head: Kon is sitting on the desk wrapped with a bow. Matsumoto in a bikini enter the room and find him on the desk. She squeal's at the sight of the most adorable thing she's seen and hug him between her large breasts. He's in heaven.

_My Honey!!!_

Drool was dripping out the corner of his mouth at the thought. He jumped down and rummaged through the drawers and conveniently found a bow. It was a red pre-tied bow with adhesive on the back. He slapped it on top of his head, beside his ear. All that was left was to wait for his babe to come.

He fell asleep waiting. The sliding of the door woke him up.

_Here she comes! _He readied himself.

"What the hell is this?" a non-female voice spoke.

Inner Kon slapped his cheeks with both hands. _Noooo! It's not her!_

Hitsugaya held Kon by ear with his arm stretched out as if the thing had some kind of disease.

_HANDLE WITH CARE! _

Suddenly, Hinamori walked in and curiously looked over Hitsugaya's shoulder to see what was going on.

"Hitsugaya-kun, what's that?" she asked.

_Your dream come true!_

"Hmm?" Hitsugaya turned around.

"That's so cute!" she noticed the bow on it's head. "Is that for me?" Stars glittered in her eyes and clasped her hands together, hopping it was.

_Say yes! You'll get extra points for it! wink And I'll be safe in her breasts—I mean hands._

"Um." He couldn't say no, but he didn't want her to have a gift he didn't actually give her.

"I just found it. I'm going to get rid of it." He replied.

"No, you can't!" She grabbed Kon out of his hands.

"Hinamori! Stuffed plushies are illegal in Soul Society. I have to dispose of it." He tried to snatch it from her hands but she quickly dodged.

The word 'illegal' rang in his ears. Oh no, what if they find out he's a modified soul?

_What terrible, sadistic things will they do to my virgin body?!_

"I'll keep it! I'll hide him in my room. I promise no one will find out." She pouted her lips and gave him her puppy eyes again.

"Hitsugaya-kun?" she swirled her finger on his chest.

How could he say no to that? Well, he didn't. He sighed and crossed his arms in defeat.

Hinamori kissed him on the cheeks and skipped away, holding Kon in her arms.

_Nice job! thumbs-up_

Hinamori sat staring at Kon sitting on her desk.

"Hmm. What should I name you? Fluffy? Kitty? You're a kitten right?" She placed a hand under her chin, thinking.

_A lion. A freaking lion. _

"I can't decide! What is your name..." She poked him in the stomach.

"KON." He spoke, pretending to be one of those toys that you push and it speaks.

Hinamori was surprised and poked him again. "KON."

"Wow! Your name is Kon!" She picked him up and hugged him in her chest.

_She's not Matsumoto-san, but she will do! _He smothered his face deeper in.

Hinamori glanced at the clock and remembered she had a meeting to attend. She opened the bottom drawer.

_No! I'm claustrophobic!_

She placed him in and shut the drawer.

The second he heard the door close, he pushed the drawer open and climbed out, huffing for air.

_Ugh, that...was..close. I almost...died!_

Kon left the office, he wasn't planning on staying there when he had more babe hunting to do.

He stumbled around the Seireitei for a while, getting lost in random alleys and dead ends.

Finally, he came upon another building, hopefully filled with babes.

Kon sneaked in to another empty office. He sighed and climbed on the desk.

Someone opened the door and he instantly fell limp, pretending to be a normal lifeless doll.

"What is this?" Kira pondered looking at the thing on his desk.

He picked up Kon. "These are illegal. I'd get rid of it. I wonder if the furnace is still burning."

"Hell no!" Kon wiggled out of Kira's hands and landed on the desk. He pointed to him.

"Don't you dare touch me, you filth!" he yelled at him.

"What the hell?! It's possessed!" a shocked Kira grabbed the nearest object he could find, a book, and smacked Kon like it was a baseball and he was the batter.

"KYAA!" Kon screamed while he flew out the window, across the yard and landed in the garden.

Kon rubbed his head. Luckily, something soft and somewhat moist broke his fall.

_What is that smell? What the-?_

He looked at the stinky pile of dirt all around him. _MANURE!_

Kon tried to pull himself out of the pile of crap but his plushie claws couldn't get a grip of anything solid to pull.

Kira ran into the garden with his zanpakuto. Kon panicked and tried to swim his way out but he only dug himself deeper in.

_AH! It's...IT'S EVERYWHERE!_

"Kira-kun!"

_That voice! Save me, my angel!_

"Kira-kun! Have you seen—." Hinamori appeared around the corner.

"Stay back, Hinamori-kun." Kira stretched out an arm for her to stay back. "There's an evil monster I need to kill."

Kira unsheathed his zanpakuto and dashed towards the doll stuck in the pile of manure.

_This is not how I pictured my death!_

Kon pictured his death to be from suffocation by large breasts. Preferably, Matsumoto's.

He watched Kira draw closer and closer.

"Wait!" Hinamori pulled at Kira's hand.

"Kon! I've been looking all over for you!" Hinamori grabbed him out of the pile.

"Hinamori-kun, drop it! It's possessed!"

"No, it's not." she poked a finger into Kon's stomach.

"KON."

"See? He can say his name." She poked him again and again he said his name.

"I could have sworn he said a lot more. And moved on his own." Kira rubbed his forehead. "I need a break."

"But Hinamori, these dolls are illegal." Kira looked worried. She was breaking the rules.

"It's a present from Hitsugaya-kun. You're not going to tell everyone and take it away are you?" Hinamori again put on her puppy eyes.

Kira blushed and hesitantly agreed to keep it a secret.

_She is good._

Hinamori left with Kon.

"You're all dirty, and stinky." she hand her nose. "Let's go take a bath."

_Oh yes! Let's bathe together!_

Kon pictured himself in the bath while a naked Hinamori scrubbed his back.

_'Kon-sama. Am I doing right?' _

_'Yes, my honey. But I need all of me scrubbed clean.'_

_'Oh my, I'm going to need help then...Girls! Come in!' _

In came Matsumoto, Orihime, Rukia, all naked climbing in the tub. _'Kon-sama!' _They all moaned his name.

-Splash!-

Kon was knocked out from his daydream when he was dunked into a wooden barrel filled with soapy water. Hinamori began to scrub him up and down on the grated plank used to clean laundry.

_This is not how I pictured my bath!_

Hinamori finished washing Kon and hung him on the lanudry line to dry in the sun.

He had a long day so he decided to take a nap while waiting for himself to dry up.

Nightfall came and the cool breeze woke him up.

_She forgot about me? How dare she!_

Kon tried to wiggle his way off the clothes pins. Someone was coming and he fell limp.

"Ah! All dry!" Hinamori came and plucked him off the line.

Hinamori went to Squad 10's office with Kon in her arms.

"Hitsugaya-kun!" she cheered his name. "Ready for bed yet?"

"Almost." Hitsugaya looked up from his paperwork. "You brought that thing too?"

"Yes! I think someone tried to steal him. I found him outside the 3rd division." she held him up to her face. "You'll sleep with me tonight. No one will be able to steal you."

"Speaking of which. Kira said it was possessed." Hitsugaya cupped his chin with his hands.

"That's not true."

"I know. There's probably a modified soul in it. Ichigo had a few in the living world." He got up and walked over to Hinamori and Kon.

_Shit._

"No way! Yes he can talk but only his name. Look." She held up Kon and poked him.

"KON." Kon started to sweat as Hitsugaya stared at him, waiting for him to make a wrong move so he can take him and throw him in the Seireitei dungeon.

"Let me try." Hitsugaya took Kon by the ear. Kon watched as he pointed his finger at his stomach to poke him.

"KOOOOOON!" Spit flew out of his mouth as he screamed. He was punched instead.

As mush as he wanted to kick him in the face, he had to play dead if he didn't want to be dead.

"Hmm. You're right." Hitsugaya handed Kon back to Hinamori. "Let's go to bed. It's late."

Hitsugaya and Hinamori were in a deep slumber. Kon was held tightly in her arms. Hinamori stirred in her sleep and pressed Kon against her chest.

_Hea-VEN!_

He rubbed his face in her cleavage.

Hinamori began to moan from the sensation and deeper Kon rubbed his face between her breasts.

She moan a little louder. Hitsugaya woke up from the noise and looked over to Hinamori.

"Toushiro"

A feeling of ecstasy ran through his body when she moan his name in pleasure.

"Ah!" she clenched the blanket with her hands.

Hitsugaya caught something moving in her arms. "What the fuck are you doing!"

He grabbed Kon by his head. "So you are a modified soul!"

Kon saw the rage that glowed in his eyes.

"But she was the one that wanted me to sleep with her!" He tried to explain his way out.

"You perverted son of a-" Hitsugaya cocked his arm back and threw him out the window.

Hinamori awoke from all the commotion. "Hitsugaya-kun, what's going on?" She rubbed her eyes.

"Ah! Where's Kon?" she looked for him.

"I threw him out."

"Why?"

"It was a modified soul in a stuffed doll. Besides, you shouldn't be sleeping with a doll." He scooted closer to her.

"Why n-not?" Hinamori blushed as he got closer.

She held the front of her sleeping kimono that was loose and showing her cleavage.

After the King's Seal incident, they have been sleeping in the same bed. Aside from kissing, that was as far as it went.

"Because you have me." He took her hand that held her kimono closed, letting loosen up to reveal her bare chest and leaned in to kiss her.

"H-Hitsugaya-kun.."

"Call me like you were before." He kissed her again.

"Toushiro!" He pulled her body against his.

Meanwhile:

"KYAA!" Kon was a flying ball of ice.

He landed on the ground with a loud clank and the ice cracked lose.

Kon crawled in the office he landed in front of that read '10'.

It was empty and he climbed up the desk that had the name tag 'Hitsugaya Toushiro.'

"Mess with me? Bastard. I'll show you!"

Kon started to tear the piles of paper on the desk into shreds.

"I'll rip you to pieces! KYA!" He tore the paper in half.

"I'll eat you alive!" He bit the paper, chewing it before spitting it out.

He stopped when he heard noises from the next room.

Kon hopped to the floor and slowly slid it open, peeking through a small gap.

He squealed in delight when he saw Matsumoto passed out on the floor.

_My Honey!_

Kon ran to her in slow motion.

"What the fuck is that?"

Kon abruptly stopped in the mist of running, like a deer caught in the headlights.

He slowly creaked his head to the side to see who had caught him.

"It's ugly." Yumichika spoke to his drunk friend.

"I don't like the way it's looking at me." Ikkaku grunted, starting to feel angry.

"Ahh! A bunch of crazy freaks!" Kon turn around to try to run away.

"Come back here you little shit!" Ikkaku ran after.

Kon tripped over an arm and fell on his face.

"Iz possessed!" Kira slurred, his hand grabbed hold of his foot.

"Let go of me!" He kicked Kira in the face and he fainted.

Kon raced out of the room, out the office and in to the dark of Seireitei.

"Journal entry #105: Daylight has finally appeared. I have been on the run for some time now. With no shelter, no food, no boobs, I do not know how much longer I can survive this wasteland called Seireitei. Oh a babe!"

Kon spotted from a distance a tall female wearing her shinigami kimono without a hakuma, showing off her sexy slender legs, walking out the 12th building.

_My Hon—What the fuck is that?!_

Kon's face turned blue at the sight of a man/thing/creature walking ahead of the girl.

"Hurry up, Nemu!" His voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

"Yes, Mayuri-sama." she spoke in a monotone voice.

_Too much baggage._

Kon turned around sulking, for every hot babe there was an equal amount of freaks, most likely more.

He stumbled around for hours in the scorching sun, he started hallucinating like he was in the desert.

_Finally, shelter!_

He collapsed under the shade of a building. He looked up to see he was back at Squad 5. Kon thought about her.

_Hina-chan! She was always nice to me...a little ditsy, but always nice. _

He slid open the door and saw her sitting at her desk doing paperwork.

"Hina-chan! ACK!" He was abruptly snatched by his head by Ichigo's hand.

"You little trouble maker." Ichigo shook him by his head. "Thanks, Toushiro, for letting me know this idiot was here."

"It's Hitsugaya-taicho for you." He crossed his arms at the informality of the boy.

"Hitsugaya-kun. What's going on? Where are you taking Kon?" Hinamori walked up to the two men that appeared from no where into her office.

"This _thing__-"_

"I am not a_thing_shorty_."_

Hitsugaya reached for his zanpakuto.

"Wait, Toushiro. I'll deal with him later." Ichigo stopped him.

"It's Hitsugaya-tai--"

"As he was saying, Kon is mine, he must have sneaked in Soul Society to follow me." Ichigo explained.

_Keh. I followed Nii-san._

"Anyways, sorry for the trouble he caused, um--" Ichigo stared at Hinamori, he didn't get her name.

"Hinamori Momo desu." She politely bowed.

"Ah, right. Sorry Momo."

"It's Hinamori-fuku--"

"BYE-BYE." Ichigo waved to them as he left.

"No! Hina-chan!"

Hinamori and Hitsugaya stood at the entrance, watching Kon reached out for her as he was being dragged off by Ichigo. Hitsugaya put an arm around her possessively, and smirked at the stuffed doll.

"Stop wiggling around! You are coming back with me and that's it!" Ichigo yelled at Kon who was trying to pry his head out from his grip as he walked.

"At least handle me with care! Do you know who you're dealing with?!"

"Shut up! You're going to get my foot up your ass if you don't shut up!"

"I am King Kon! You ain't got nuttin on me!"

"What was that?" Kon saw a glimmer of something wicked glistening in his eyes.

"Nii-san! SAVE ME!"

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**I should stick with serious, angsty stuff... **

**Thank you for reading!**

**I'm thinking of brushing up on my poor drawing skills to draw out the scenes of this story. So much eye-candy being neglected! Any artists wanna try?**


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